The Glamorous Life

One Month

glamorousjo — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 23:14:23 +0000

Yes, I’ve become that mother. The one who posted 6,000 photos of her first child by the time he was one month old and then posted absolutely nothing about her second child. Not the birth, not the fact that he was the exact weight and length as Harry (creepy), not the numerous first coos and sighs and adorable things babies do, not the cute Christmas photos, nothing. Deal with it.

It’s not that I love my second child any less (his name is Franklin BTW) (and he’s super awesome BTW) it’s just that managing a highly active toddler and Christmas and house guests and life takes precedence. Or it’s that I’m 37 and I have an infant and I’m tired. So very tired. Or it’s that I’ve been watching every single episode of Downton Abbey. WHATEVER. But we’re here now. Isn’t this nice? I’d offer you some cookies but I ate them. All of them.

Anyway I now present to you Franklin James Illingworth, one month. He’s the perfect baby if I may say. Cute as a diaper box photo and never cries and generally goes with our crazy flow. We like him a lot.

Harry likes him too.

The Best Burger

glamorousjo — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 18:47:23 +0000

Last month we went to, as my awesome niece called it, Gatlinburger with the family. Addison was particularly excited to visit Dolly Apartment. Basically, she’s the coolest. (Addison and Dolly. Equally.) Harry and Addison had super fun times together and I beat everyone at Nertz so soundly that they still haven’t recovered. IT’S WHAT I DO.

All Treats

glamorousjo — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 18:27:07 +0000

We weren’t sure how Harry would react to trick-or-treating this year what with the darkness and scary decorations and masks and strangers and general boo-ness. And ok, it’s mostly me that’s scared of those things. Nonetheless we talked it up and gave it a try. I cannot adequately describe how much Harry loved it. After every house he shouted MORE! MORE CANDY! and demanded that we keep going. One more street. One more house. And at every door he would hold out his pumpkin, politely say thank you and then ask if they had a dog. It was epic. The most fun.

His name was DJ Lance, DJ Lance, DJ Lance ROCK! And he loved his costume more than life itself.

Counting Fish

glamorousjo — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 23:24:13 +0000

And Now Back To Our Show

glamorousjo — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 23:37:05 +0000

Some things you should know before we begin:
-I am oddly (and equally) obsessed and horrified by sharks
-So much so that I will not go into the water
-At all
-Harry’s Aunt Angie gave him a 3 foot stuffed shark for Christmas
-Probably to mess with me
-I taught Harry that sharks say DUH DUH (as in: Jaws)
-Harry is oddly (and equally) obsessed with the sharks in Finding Nemo
-DUH DUH

So.
This weekend I thought it might be a fun idea to show Harry some REAL sharks since it’s Shark Week and the more you know and all that. I am not afraid to educate my offspring about the dangers that lurk in the deep. I turned on the TV and said Harry do you want to see some sharks? He said SHARKS! DUH DUH! So we found the Discovery Channel and immediately began squealing and shrieking (mostly me) about the giant sharks and their many rows of teeth. Harry kept shouting SHARK! DUH DUH! I kept hiding my eyes from the insanely huge Great Whites jumping out of the water like some sort of Sea World show. Harry continued to scream and point SHARK SHARK! DUH DUH! It was a special Mother/Son moment. Real Hallmark stuff.

And then the show went to commercial.

And Harry looked at me suddenly and angrily.

SHARK? SHARK?
Yes Buddy, the sharks will be back, this is a commercial.
SHARK? SHARK? SHAAAAAAAAAAAARK!!!!!!!
Dude, the sharks will be right back. Right now it’s a commercial and then the sharks will come back.
SHARKSHARKSHARKSHARKSHARKSHARKSHARKSHARK
–Brief pause in the shouting while I look at Ryan incredulously and announce that our child has never seen a commercial and does not understand where the show went. We both pause to consider these disturbing revelations–
SHARKSHARKSHARKSHARKSHARKSHAAAAAARK!!!! MOMMY SHARK??? SHARK!!!!!!!

You guys, Harry doesn’t understand the world we grew up in. The world where if you had to pee or get a snack you had to wait until a commercial. The world where if you didn’t get home in time you missed the opening credits of The Cosby Show. The world where missing an episode of your favorite show meant YOU MISSED IT. No Hulu. No YouTube. No DVR. No pausing live TV.

This will be our generation’s walking to school uphill both ways in the snow. Listen kid, when I was your age we didn’t even have remote controls

My Dude and My Dad

glamorousjo — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 20:49:52 +0000

Somebody Call Intervention

glamorousjo — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 01:53:47 +0000

6:45am – BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Sorry Dude, it’s time for breakfast.
6:46am – BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! I’m making you some toast. Buzz isn’t on right now.
6:47am – BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! Mommymommymommymommy BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! BUZZ!

On and on.
And so forth.

7:30am – BUZZ!!! BUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZ (Harry, we’re not watching Toy Story right now) BUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZ (as he’s grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the TV) BUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

On and on.
And so forth.

7:45am – Ok Dude, it’s time to get your jacket on, we’re leaving. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NO NO NO NO BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUZ. BUZ! NO JACKET. (wrangle the screamer, get the jacket on, try to get out the door and all the while) BUUUUUUUZZZZZZZ!!!! BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

On and on.
And so forth.

And It Goes Like This…

glamorousjo — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 00:41:15 +0000

Why We Are Awesome Parents

glamorousjo — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 03:44:01 +0000

When Harry sees Conan he claps and screams YAY!!!!!!!!

Party’s Over

glamorousjo — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 05:10:34 +0000

Everyone everywhere is summing up the year and re-telling the told and making up nonsense for the coming up. I don’t want to do that. So instead I will do this.

YES:
-Our new fish, Gil
-Days off + more days off + more days off
-Friends who’ve stuck by me through the good, bad and the super terrible ugly
-Harry’s belly laugh
-Surfacing ideas
-Watching some crazies on TLC take a grocery bill from $1,000,000 to $0.50 using stacks of coupons and pure gumption mixed with my inability to use even one measly coupon to save $0.50 on $1,000,00 of ridiculous things I don’t need
-Spending vast amounts of time with my fellas
-General Illingworth

-Harry’s love of Woody and Buzz
-Surviving things I never thought possible
-Room for creativity
-Toddlers and their Tiaras including Mackenzie and her Ni Ni.

-Cookies
-Harry showing me where his elbow is and saying “ebow”
-Possibilities

NO:
-Going back to work on Monday